Just as I was trying to finish the book Kapeng Arabo by
Manny A. Garcia, I received a private message on my Facebook account from a
dear friend and classmate in graduate school back in 1999. She was then a new teacher, single and was very idealistic about the teaching profession. In her message, she was asking for some advice on her present predicament.
Her letter reads-
Dear Ate Saling,
Musta na po kau. Sencia ka na po, Ikaw ang naisip kong
hingan ng advice. Kasi mukhang ang happy ng family mo based sa pictures na
naka-post dito sa fb. Ate, nasa ____ pa rin ako at in charge sa third year.
Konti lang students namin kaya hindi ako masyadong hirap. Saka pag
non-sectarian hindi masyadong mahigpit ang admin. Kaso, super kunat sila sa
sweldo. Di ba nasabi ko na po syo yung problema ko sa Tatay ko. Talagang pilit
nya akong pinag-aabroad kasi daw walang mangyayari dito. Ako din kasi ang
inaasahan nila. Saka yung mister ko po kasi naglalabas lang ng jeep na hindi sa
amin. Meron na po akong kausap na tutulong sa akin makaalis para maging DH sa
HK. Sabi po ni Tatay sila na ni Nanay ang bahala sa 5 years old kong daughter.
Nahihirapan po ako magdecide. Yung mister ko po ako daw bahala. E kasi po hindi
rin sila magkasundo ni tatay kasi driver lang daw po ang pinili ko. Ate, alam
ko wala kang pakialam sa buhay ng iba pero kahit konting insights lang sana
mabigyan mo ako. Thanks po sa abala.
Minda ( not her real name)
The letter made me smile. Since when have I become an Ate
Charo or an Ate Helen or a Kuya Eddie? Haha! But I need to answer her asap.
Instead of answering her through the message box of FB, I thought maybe I
should blog about this. So here's my reply to your letter, Minda.
Dear Minda,
Your letter was so short and yet I have so many points to
answer.
First, yes, I have a very happy family, BUT, we also have
our own share of sorrows. Hindi mawawala yan sa kahit kaninong pamilya.
I am glad that you are still teaching. I told you then that
you were good and good teachers are what our schools need right now. Math ka pa
naman. Ang maganda sa profession natin, we can achieve excellence even on our
own, independent of other people, but of course, with some help from
institutions, like a graduate school, na mas makakaganda. If you will quit
teaching with a low salary and become a DH with a higher compensation, do you
think it is a sort of a promotion? The answer can be found in your heart.
Nowhere else.
Whatever we do, whether we decide for ourselves or follow
the dictates of others, is reflective of the hierarchy of values that we have.
If your father's wishes are more important to you than the family you are
building now, why did you get married, in the first place? And why are you
still with your parents? Is there no way you could live independently? Masarap
bumuo ng decision ang isang couple pag silang dalawa lang ang tumitingin sa
buong picture. Hindi pwedeng isa lang sa inyo. Have you thought of how your
father would look down upon your husband more if you go abroad and he stays
here? What about your daughter? Kaya mo ba matulog sa gabi not knowing where
she is and who she's with? Kung kaya mo yan, girl, you are made of steel. Let
me tell you a brief anecdote. When my daughter and her boyfriend ( now her
hubby, they kissed and made up after a few years) broke up after years of being
together, my daughter was inconsolable. She slept in our room, in our bed, between me and
my husband, for many nights. The tears dried in her eyes as she tried to catch
some sleep. Believe me, my husband and I
were so devastated. But at the same time, I was glad I was still alive then and
was with her at her most trying times. Had I been an absentee mother at the time,
I would perhaps have gone mad. Being a mother is a purely personal act. No
substitutes, ever. If you've never watched Anak, buy a copy now and watch it
seven times.
I have nothing against migrant workers, personally, but I
have certain issues with mothers leaving their small children behind. Many
lives have changed for the better because of the OFW phenomenon, but more were
destroyed because of the same. I know of a mother who has had an affair in
Dubai while her husband also kept a mistress around here. I know of another
mother whose daughter died of malnutrition because no one took care of her and
her siblings while the mother was abroad. I know of still another mother who
thought her children were in school only to learn later that they were out-of-school, hanging out with their friends and use their allowances for vices. There are many other horror stories about the families of migrant working mothers but now I am not sure if you have heard of them. One thing I am sure of though is that
statistics show there were more sad stories than the good ones. Along this
line, be reminded that no amount of success in one's job ( financial success) can compensate for the
failure in the family.
I heard someone said that the OFW phenomenon is the curse of
our children's times. I tend to agree. For those older than my generation, war was their
curse. Wars caused families to be broken, and societies to disintegrate. That's
what migrant work does to most families now. As the book I am reading now
states, our government, instead of providing more productive jobs here,
encourage Filipinos to go out of the country. At para me consuelo de bobo, they
labeled them heroes. Perhaps, if you were single, I would not have told you all
these. Because then, you would have discovered what direction to take without
any mental baggages left behind. But you have a family and more importantly,
you have a child. A five-year old can't do things on her own without the
guidance of a mother.
As I've said in the early part of this letter, your decision
will reflect your values. Your Tatay or your husband? Toys for your daughter or
good times with her? Your students or the children of your would-be amo? iPhone or
unlitxt with your good old mobile phone? You are in a forced-choice situation
now. Arm yourself so you can arrive at an informed decision.
All the best!
Ate Saling
PS. When Secretary of State Hillary Clinton visited the
country last year, she told Pres. Aquino to find ways by which Filipinos would
not need to go out of the country to work. This was at the same time that she
acknowledged how good the Pinoy OFW is. I love Hillary!
