He's My Brother, He Ain't Heavy...

Dong, my only brother from my parents' union ( I have two more lovely brothers from my father's remarriage), is a junior. People call my late father Badong and my brother Dong. He was four years old when our mother died. Our youngest, Connie, was then two. With Connie's passing in 1967 at the age of ten, our immediate family was left with only three members- my father, Dong and I.

Being older than Dong and with my father's work as a soldier who was most often away, I was left as the only significant family member for my brother. Our childhood was both merry and sad. Merry, because we had a lot of support from our parents' siblings and we had great neighbors who to this day have remained faithful friends to us. Sad, because during our most painful moments, we were only two to share our grief.
Dong is quite an intelligent student back in grade school. We both went up the stage to receive our ribbons during the recognition rites. He had close friends from our community with whom he hung out especially during summer when there's no school. Everything was normal with him until my father remarried in 1969. He was 13 then, I was 15. At the time, he didn't understand what I was able to grasp at my age. My father was still young then and the woman he married was from a very good family. I didn't see anything wrong with my father's remarriage, in fact, I felt relieved that there was now someone who would take care of him. Unfortunately, Dong did not see it that way. He became disoriented. His perspective of things changed. He was lost in the world he started to create then. He stopped schooling. He got involved in trouble and more troubles. He went away, returned, went away again and returned again. It was a very tiring cycle which made me cry each time the wheel moved.

While I was struggling as a college student, Dong was training in the army. He would have been a regular at the armed forces, but when I got married a year after college, he dropped out of training and got married himself on the same year I did. That would have been a relief but instead, things got even worse 'cause now he has a family to feed and his lack of education could not land him a good job. One odd job after another, his family (with a son and twin daughters), had to endure hardships. Ironically, when his wife went to the Middle East to work, things did not turn out to be better. His daughter Sherryl, the other half of the twin, died of an illness in 2003 and after her burial, my sister-in-law decided to go back to her work. To date, she has been in Saudi Arabia for more than 25 years. I have no choice, because it is my moral obligation, but to help my brother out when he needed assistance. Today, I regret the fact that I did not send him to school. I was overwhelmed by my own emotional challenges which led me to take the leap and plunge into marriage. Being older, I know I should have done something to change the course of his life by encouraging him to go back to school but my selfishness at the time got in the way. I hope he forgives me for my shortcoming.

Through the years, I have become a constant source of help and support, material and otherwise, for Dong and his family. While there is a limit to what I can give, there is no ceiling to the love and care that I have for my brother. We do not talk as lengthily as we do with our respective friends, but we do know each other pretty well. And we have the same intensity of care and concern for each other. I am sure that even if he had no material thing to give me, he is ready to give his own life for me.

From our childhood years to the present, Dong and I have never even once quarreled. We have had no arguments. We kept our peace when one of us is hurt by the other. He listens to me when I start to evangelize or lecture him. In so doing, we developed a bond so strong it is worthy to be emulated by our children. I guess he has now realized the folly of resisting and refusing to accept my father's destiny to happen. He saw with his own eyes how our stepmother loved and cared for our father till his dying day. He may not verbalize it, but I'm sure he has accepted the things he refused to accept when he was younger.

Sometimes, it breaks my heart when I see how old and sad he has become. But I do not question his destiny. An old friend once said, when he learned of my brother's circumstances, that there are really people who are 'walang swerte", no matter how hard they try. I quite agree because I know of some other people who moved heaven and earth to find answers to their dreams, but they failed. But i'd like to think that my brother is lucky to be born in my family, with a father who early on has taught me that family is the most important thing in this world. I know in my heart that my brother now knows where he failed and why. I know that he knows I am always here for him. I know he loves me and that I love him back.

To borrow the lyrics of a song, the road is long with many a winding turn for my brother. But I'm strong enough to carry him, for he's my brother. His welfare is my concern and he is no burden to me. There is no reason for me not to share anything I've got with my brother, because the road to eternity is a long road from which there is no return. With God by my side, and with my husband's and my children's full support, the load does not weigh me down at all. He ain't heavy.......... because he's my brother.

The Bridge of My Youth

Okay, I said no issues. But I can't help it.

Two days ago, I went to SM Baliuag with a friend. The jeep we were riding got stuck in traffic right above the Plaridel-Pulilan concrete bridge. The few minutes we were there awakened me to a nagging truth- the Plaridel-Pulilan PNR Railbridge is no longer where it used to stand.

It was the bridge of my youth. That bridge was a playground of sorts for me and my playmates. In the early '60's, my elders used to go to the river to wash clothes and to have a picnic. While they did the laundry, the children ( that includes me) swam in the crystal clear waters which was only knee deep at the time. While swimming, we each had a tabong lata where we put the very fresh tulya which were later cooked by the older ones. We cooked rice using firewood gathered around the area. We gathered fruits from the trees along the river. Several times, we ate fresh langka as dessert, courtesy of the homeowners near the river. We were literally submerged in water the whole day. Almost always, we sat at the concrete platform of the railbridge while telling stories or while munching on some goodies we brought there. We would only leave the platform when a train passes overhead, either north or south bound. The memories and the images are still so vivid. They were the best of times.

Years later, it became impossible to do what we used to do there. The waters darkened and smelled. The banks were now filled with makeshift houses built by people from other provinces in pursuit of the good life away from their hometowns. Worse, the PNR trains stopped operations northwards. Suddenly, there were no more sounds of a cho-choo train nor the sight of the dark smoke emitting from the engines. But the bridge was still there. And it felt okay. The sight of the railbridge evokes memories of a healthy and merry childhood. That was enough.

Then it happened. Slowly, the railbridge disappeared part by part. First to go were the wooden railings. Someone said it became a hot stuff for architects and decorators. Now, they can be found in the best homes worthy of a page in the Architectural Digest. Then, the metal rails went. I myself saw several times how the metal bridge was torn apart. There was no furor over the dismantling. There were talks that it was done regularly-meaning, above board. But nothing is impossible in this country. Whoever got richer by messing with a cultural and historical artifact only has to answer for it with his god.

It wasn't a white elephant even if the trains stopped operations. Many people from both Pulilan and Plaridel benefited from it as it is used by pedestrians who choose to use it instead of walking onto the concrete bridge in order to avoid accidents. It could just have been asphalted or concreted to remain as useful as it was. But no, there were other agenda.

I have no pictures of the bridge of my youth, because it is no longer there.

PS. this is how it looked like. http://wikimapia.org/1294596/Pulilan-Bridge
It's the bridge on the right.

What I Know For Sure ( An Oprah-inspired Musings)

Having lived for more than half a century, I can now boast of knowing some things for sure. Age has a way of teaching us mortals certain truths about certain things. I have always believed that truth is relative. There are as many truths as there are people in the universe, perhaps even more. Maybe my truths are untrue for others, but my life is an affirmation of the things I believe in.

1. Love is the best reason for getting married and for keeping the marriage. In a marriage, there are a lot of termites ( in-laws, vices, ill-motive friends, etc) that threaten to wreak havoc on the union. The strongest weapon against them is the love that binds the couple. When love jumps out of a married person's heart, the marriage is doomed.
2. Children who grew up in a loving environment are well grounded and well mannered. What happens to a child between birth and age 7 defines his future temperament.
3. Generosity cannot be taught. Either one is a giver or a taker. Givers give until it hurts. Takers are not hurt no matter how heavy the load taken is.
4. Friends are not called such if one knew them only for days. Friends are like trees- they have to be planted, cultivated, propagated and cared for.
5. One is never alone. Even the worst person has company-the devil himself.
6. Money is neither good nor bad. It is how money is earned and spent that is either good or bad.
7. When one misses something he considers important and does not get it in any way, it is alright to settle for the next best thing. No one has a monopoly of the best.
8. Learning does not happen only in schools. The universe is the biggest university where even a rolling stone teaches a lesson or two.
9. Some memories are better left untouched especially when they threaten to ignite anger and frustration.
10. Prayers are always answered. However, the answer may not be what you pray for. But it is always good to be thankful for answered prayers.

More truths later.....

My Favorite Things

Like Oprah. I have many favorite things. Unlike Oprah, I don't have the capacity to give them away.

First in my list are blings and accessories. I love looking at, more than wearing them- neckpieces, bracelets, rings and earrings. I love shoes with blings- faux diamonds, ribbons, anything that glitters. This has its roots in my days as a young girl. We had a neighbor- a laundrywoman who had so many things in her baul. I distinctly remember that tiara-like headband made of

non-precious metal with rhinestones that really look like diamonds. When we go to her house, she would fit the headband in our heads and my playmates and I giggle when we look at ourselves in the mirror. She had no daughter to wear it and she did not wear it at all but she kept it as if it were a royal jewelry. Since then, I developed the habit of keeping anything like that in a box and looking at it whenever I feel the urge to hold and tinker with it. Today, I have several of those boxes where I keep such blings which I would like to hand over to my future granddaughters.



































































































































I also am very fond of sequined pieces of clothing, although like the blings, I seldom use them. The ukay-ukay phenomenon in the Philippines provided me with chances to find clothing with embelishment. Once, while walking inside a large ukay store somewhere with my BFF, I found a spaghetti-strapped top with sequins. It fitted me so well and what was so cool about it is that it cost me only fifty pesos. It goes very well with a pair of blue jeans and a jacket. However, I doubt if I can pull it off. I can't just go out and ask everyone I meet, "how do i look?".





When I received my retirement pay from St. Mary's in '99, the first thing I bought is a set of pearl earrings and ring. I just felt there's got to be something that should remind me of my most productive years- 1987 to 1999. I did not know it was to be the start of my love affair with pearls. Tim and I usually go to our 'suki' right in the heart of Manila where freshwater pearls are sold. I've bought many, many strands already. I thought of just keeping them but it felt so good giving them as gifts to very special people. In fact in our Christmas exchange gift with Batch 66 in 2008, I made two rosaries made of freshwater pearls and gave them out as gifts. The sight of pearl strands in the stores where we go to excites me. I've bought different types of pearl- rice, oval, baroque, small round, medium round, big round, peachy/orangy ones, pure white and lately, Tim bought a pair of gray ones which are too expensive it's difficult to wear for fear of losing them. Tim also found a twin pearl which we plan to turn into a pendant. I hope to have the real thing pretty soon- a pair of mikimoto pearls earring set in white gold with a matching bracelet. It's free to dream, anyway.





































































I also love make-up. I am amazed at the sight of a beautifully made-up lady. My 'kikay kit' can very well be owned by a performer. TJ gave me a big, big kit he got in one of his travels as a seaman. When I have some amount to spend, I buy some additional items. I found the Revlon mineral foundation very useful in hiding the imperfections in my face. I used to collect lipstick but they have expiration dates so I just stick to one shade that I like best. The YSL foundation and the Guerlain Rouge lipstick I won ( together with a Diesel fragrance) from Yes! magazine just this month are a welcome addition to my make-up collection. The Guerlain lipstick is awesome. I love, love it. ( Didn't know lipsticks can taste soooooooooo good, depending on the price).



















I super love flowers. However, for practical reasons, I buy fresh ones for the home only when something special's going on. I like flower-designed tops, dresses and shirts. I found a ceramic sunflower wall decor just when our house was being built. I bought it and waited till I can display it. Today, it is the first thing everyone notice as they enter the house. I also like framed photos of flowers so I had some scattered around. Once, I found a picture of an Amorsolo painting of a lady surrounded by flowers. It was a full page picture in LifestyleAsia magazine. I carefully took it out and framed it. It now hangs by the main door of our house. I have this illusion that I am the lady in that painting.























































I also like flower-designed curtains and beddings.
I have this fascination with beddings and although there are so many beautiful designs out there, I prefer them with flowers. I used to buy beddings regularly but realizing that I only need and have one bed to sleep in, I stopped doing it. A section of my closet is now full of beddings. The thing is, I just don't collect them. I use them. I don't wanna leave them inside their labeled packaging. Other wives reserve their best linen for house guests. I don't. I want to enjoy them while I can. I just have a couple of nice ones reserved for visitors. When I go to the mall, I always visit the linen section in Home World 'cause it is my playground, so to speak.




















Fragrances are also one of my all-time favorites. I don't like leaving the house without spritzing a cologne or perfume. It's a good thing Poy buys me several bottles of perfume when he comes home. Sometimes, I feel guilty opening up a new bottle when there are a couple of bottles still half full. But I can't resist the urge. I love the trio of Florentyna by Marks & Spencer- lotion, eau de parfum and powder. Very me and they come in very pretty bottles.


Burberry London is also very friendly to my body chemistry. I smell so fresh when I put it on. I emptied a whole bottle in just a few months since I want to sleep wearing it always. Poy bought me Celine by Celine Dion and it is just as heavenly.




Past favorites are Intuition by Estee lauder, Allure by Chanel, YSL Baby Doll, After Five by Elizabeth Arden and Gucci Envy. I asked TJ to look for Malachite by Banana Republic but he didn't find one. My next target is the latest version of Beautiful, again by Estee Lauder.
















































































Books and magazines also make my day. Among local titles, I love LifestyleAsia and Yes! For international editions, I go for Oprah and Instyle Magazine. If money were no object, I would have built a library for myself, but as things were, I buy books only when I have something to spend for them, Right now, I am juggling between Living History by Hillary Clinton and My Life by her husband, Bill. I love biographies and autobiographies. I started out with one on Princess Grace and it felt like I am an insider. So I crave for more of this kind. I love inside stories.

I am also into inspirational books. Tim gifted me with A Woman and Her God last Christmas and I found it more to my liking than the half-read The Purpose-Driven Life in my book shelf. A dear friend gave me a hard-bound copy of The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown, but truth to tell, I haven't gone past the first page at this writing. I sure will read it, only the past months have been very, very busy ones.

A Gem Called Gerald

This is not fiction.

In the early morning of February 5, 1979, I laid, in all my bloated and naked glory, on the operating table of the Sacred Heart Hospital in Malolos, about to give birth by caesarian section to my second child. The lady anesthesiologist told me that aside from the anesthesia, I would be given something orally to induce stupor but not strong enough to make me sleep so that I can tell them what I feel every step of the way. I took note that there were about seven or eight of them inside the OR, presumably doctors and nurses.

My Ob-Gyne, Dra. Pilar, came in and greeted everyone in the room. When I felt that she was starting to open me up, I mumbled a short prayer. Then I heard one of them said, "Ay, doktora, bakit ganyan?" Dra. Pilar answered, " Naku, eto kasing batang ito, matigas ang ulo. Sinabi ko nang magpa-admit na last week pa, e pinaabot pa hanggang ngayon". Then, addressing me, she said, "Ayan, may crack ang tiyan mo". It couldn't be the outer part of my tummy 'cause I would know so I surmised that the problem was internal. My short prayer became longer and I became afraid for my baby. Despite such a situation , they all talked about different things, issues and personalities. It was pretty much like giving birth while watching a talk show.

After a while, I heard a baby's cry. Dra. Pilar said it was a boy. For the second time, I felt that thud which made me want to cry that I first felt when Timmy was born. ( I experienced it again with Ronald and that was it. I guess that feeling can only be felt by someone who gives birth). Then, at one point, I saw myself down in a dark pit. I was looking up trying to climb back to safety. Then I heard voices. "Okay, suction!", said one. Another said, " Ilalabas muna yung bituka mo para malinis". I couldn't make the distinction whether the voices were from those around the operating table or from those around the pit where I saw myself. Minutes later, I began to feel the needles used in stitching my tummy. I remember telling them it hurts. But a woman's voice said they couldn't give me more anesthesia because the procedure is almost done. And then, I fell asleep.

And so it was that Baby Boy Inocencio was born in the early morning of February 5, 1979.

For my son, I wanted a name that has a 'gerry/jerry' sound to it. But I don't want him to be Gerardo, Jr. I don't know why, but I don't like juniors. So, the names Jeremiah and Jericho were considered but both were disapproved by the hubby. I had second thoughts, too. The names were too biblical. At the time, Gerald Ford, who stepped down in 1977 as the 38th US President was still in the news, because his stint as VP and Pres. of the US were both unusual and historical. He held both offices, in 1973 and in 1974, respectively, without having been elected to neither one of the said position. And so the hubby and I reached a mutual decision- our son will be named Gerald. (In 2001, we realized that Gerald is somewhat a junior too since we discovered that the hubby's registered name is Geraldo and not Gerardo. But we have since petitioned the Civil-Registrar General to change his registered name to Gerardo and it was granted). The hubby suggested to use Popoy as his nickname ( my father-in-law is known as Ka Popoy all around town). I did not object. There was no reason to.

What people say is true. God balances what he gives to those who ask. I may have had so many trials in many of the major aspects of my life, but as a mother, I am triumphant because God gifted me with only the best. One of them is Popoy. As a child, Popoy has shown strength of character much like his sister before him. I don't remember him quarreling bigtime with his sister or with his brother. I don't remember him complaining of a small school allowance or of an old tattered shirt. He makes do with what he has and does not pass on his problems to me or anyone else. What I remember are the times when I would cry on his shoulders and he would cry with me. Just like with Timmy and Ronald, I love to think back of the days when he was still small. When he was in grade 1, he had to commute daily and travel around nine kilometers between Baliuag and Plaridel since we took up residence in Baliuag in the middle of the schoolyear. I still feel guilty to this day thinking why I had to allow that to happen. But those months that he went on his own was the first sign of his being a very responsible son. He religiously attended school and was never a truant. As he grew up, he never gave us any reason to be worried. In fact, I think it was him who was constantly worried about the state of the union of his parents.

Gerald was appropriately named. He was all G's to all of us. He was good, generous, gifted ( two of his photos were published in GulfNews in Dubai), gallant, genteel, genuine, good-hearted, good-humored, gracious, gregarious, groovy, guarded, and great. But most of all he's a gem and he is very precious in my heart.

Happy birthday, anak. I pray that God gives you all the best that you desire. Along with Tim and Nad, I love you beyond the stars!

The Boys of Batch 66

In Pretty Women, I wrote about the female members of our elementary batch who have become close after organizing two consecutive class reunions in 2004 and 2005. Now, this is about the male members of the said core group. Since the hubby is part of this group, might as well introduce them alphabetically ( by surname), to be fair.

Lito De Dios is an architect by profession. He is also an all-around artist.Whenever there is a scheduled meeting or an outing ( read: eating) everyone in the group looks forward to Lito's multi-colored stories (oftentimes, they're green). He is not allowed to be absent in any of our soirees because he is the fountain of all joys. Laughter is easily generated whenever he tells a story. He weaves magic in his storytelling. He can make a short, short story into a novela, ( sometimes with a little help from Hermie E. and Rading I. ( the hubby). Almost always, it is not the story that makes us laugh, but the way he tells them. He is so animated and theatrical, you'd think you are in a comedy bar that charges a hefty sum for very talented stand-uppers. But Lito isn't just a comedian. He performs any assigned task to the very best of his ability. On our way to being senior citizens in a few years, the group surely treasures him for always making us feel young by sheer display of his laudable talents.

Hermie Esguerra 's name is synonymous with success. In 1966, when we graduated, I bet no one from our graduating class thought, even for a moment, that we have someone amongst us who, in the future, will be the fulfillment of each and everyone of our individual dreams. Once a seminarian and an erstwhile actor, Hermie hit the bigtime really big. Today, he is at the helm of Herma Group, a multi-billion conglomerate with businesses as diverse as petroleum, shipping, maritime and environmental services, information and communications technology, broadcasting ( he has recently acquired ESPN Phil.). Being an accomplished sportsman, his fun time in his Batangas farm is spent with horses, which is quite a money-making endeavor, too. ( Windblown, his retired racehorse is now a stud, living the best life in his airconditioned quadra.) Hermie has not only gone to many places. He has also has gone up to higher places. He rubs elbows with the Joneses of Philippine society. Because of his interest in various sports, he has met, dined and wined with the best in every field. One very fascinating anecdote about Hermie took place in December, 2008. During the weigh-in for the Pacquiao-DelaJoya fight, an aging boxer, Bernard Hopkins, with a lot of help from other Mexicans, boasted and hurled insults at Filipinos, saying " My partner, (DelaJoya) will knock out Pacquiao at seven, and whoever disagrees, see me outside". Hermie stood up and took on the challenge. The mellee could have turned into an interesting match had it not been for the announcement of Pacquiao's arrival on the PA. What the unruly Mexicans didn't know was that Hermie has been a very gracious host to Pacquiao's opponents when they visit the country.

Genie Gatmaitan is the most quiet boy in the group. He is a seaman but heart problems forced him to take an indefinite leave. He has gone through both an angiogram and an angioplasty last year. Genie is my youngest son's baptism ninong. Ding is all praises for his character and demeanor. And he really is very prim and proper. Whenever we are together enjoying Lito's stand-up acts, he stays put in his seat quietly laughing ( if ever there is such a thing) at the goings-on.

For me and my hubby, Ding Inocencio, going out with Batch 66 is our social life together. It used to be the ME group in the 90's, but it fizzled out in just a few years. Our main activity is eating out regularly, punctuated by some other 'walks' such as going to a 'lamayan', and when invited by Hermie, visits to his Batangas farm or his WackWack residence. There are times when the hubby does not feel like going, especially when he has something urgent to attend to, but I have his full approval to go with the group as he is assured that I am in good company.

Bandong Tan's name is as tough as his profession. He is a policeman, but has retired upon reaching the age of 56 in October, 2009. Loosely speaking, he is my uncle because he is the brother of my stepmother. But I doubt if he will allow someone as old as he to call him tito. Bandong can be both quiet and talkative depending on who he is with. He is unmarried but certainly not unattached. Two years ago, the group, especially the girls, were so excited about his plans to marry his long-time partner, but it did not materialize for reasons he never told us. But he always seems happy so we thought maybe it doesn't matter if they didn't have that piece of document. His civil status doesn't seem complicated to us, anyway.


Whenever we're together, we have great fun and laughter when someone dishes out a story, oftentimes with much support from the other boys. It's a wonder how the minds of these boys can work as one while weaving a funny story. One would think they brainstormed first but the truth is that they are just playing it by ears.

Maybe fate brought us altogether at this point of our lives to relieve us of our individual stresses. Or maybe it's nature's way of telling us life has come full circle for us.

Fatima Ferrer Inocencio Tejada

Today, January 14, my first born Timmy, turns 32.

Timmy was born under very depressing circumstances. Two years into my marriage in 1978, I was devastated by the realities of my early married life. It was tough. I was alone, with no mother to turn to. Everyone around me then and every star in heaven seemed to conspire to make me the most pathetic wife at the time. It was then that I had to make a choice whether I should fight for my marriage and make it work or live a life of my own- with a newborn daughter. Enlightenment came fast and easy. I realized that Timmy was born out of love. She was no accident. She does not deserve to be punished and live a complicated life just because some people tried to make life so difficult for me (They have since been justly chastised). She deserved a complete, functional and happy family because she did not ask to be born. My problems then were not hers. It was up to me and her father to raise her the best way possible so that her life will be much better than ours.

Two brothers later, Timmy's life slowly unfolded. Looking back, I believe it was a charmed life. She turned out to be every mother's dream daughter. The dictionary will run out of positive adjectives to describe her as a person, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, and now as a wife to an equally lovable husband, TJ. The 'beast' in her, if ever there was, seldom makes itself evident, not even during the times when the devil and some run-away witches taunt and provoke her. My daughter stands on firm ground, I am sure of that and that makes me very proud of her.

Tim and I survived the first storms of our life. She had her first taste of such a storm when I was eight months heavy with her. An in-law, who was both heavily intoxicated and under the spell of the prince of darkness at the time, wanted me and my husband out of their family home. In my husband's absence, he swore and hurled invectives at the very pregnant me with a voice that disturbed the heavens. I swear I did not say nor do anything that merited such a spectacle from him. In the first place, what can I do or say when I was the odd one in his own territory where he is feared by even his elders? All I did was cry and I promised myself that I will protect my unborn child from demons of this kind. Many more of this kind of 'palabas' took place , disturbing the relative peace and serenity of my own family, and each time, I kept my cool and tried to keep in mind all the patience and perseverance that I learned from my father. But I wrote in my journal that one day, I will fight back and get even with him. I did not have to, because years later, God took care of him.

The later storms in our life would be rougher and more destructive, but Tim showed a brand of steadfastness one would not think could ever come from a frail body like hers. It's amazing how she coped with the many 'suddenlys' in our family life. Timmy is love personified. Her devotion to and affection for her brothers are so real, it makes me want to say I can go anytime 'cause my sons are in good hands.

To the best daughter in the world, happy, happy birthday. I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, can pass on this love which has been given to you abundantly.