Monday, September 14, 2009

If The Shoe Fits

I am overjoyed. i just received a wonderful birthday gift from my niece and inaanak, Rina. the gift makes me smile whenever i look at it. the smile later turns to giggle as i wonder how in the world am i going to walk with it? it is pretty, classic in style (animal prints never go out of style) and fabulously expensive, i suppose. but the most surprising thing about it is that i will enjoy looking at it for hours on end, but will never be able to walk in it for even five minutes. hindi kaya ng powers ko. i am no sarah jessica parker though i'm a fan of her blaniks and jim choos.

I love beautiful things, but i don't lust about them. I don't have branded shoes primarily because i can't afford them. I always rationalize that the cheaper ones at SM, Manel's, Rusty Lopez and 168 Mall are prettier than most LV shoes that cost enough money to feed a hundred families in a month. Besides, buying cheaper shoes (and bags, too) will keep one abreast with the ever changing styles. (chances are, they are torn by the time a new design is introduced).

The new pair given me inspired me to take a second look at what i have. Most of them are still in their boxes cause there aren't many occasions when i can wear them. My Sunday's best comprise mainly of denim pants, a loose top and a slip-on, so my shoes are seldom used. I have a 'ninang' shoes which i wear when i am invited as a wedding sponsor- a beige strappy pair with rhinestones. I love shoes with borloloys. ( my dogs love them too. In fact, Bitoy had a grand time destroying my black and pink embelished slip-on). There's something about borloloys and bling-blings in shoes that attract me, so when my daughter Timmy sent me an mms of a black and silver number while she was window-shopping for me, i said yes at once. i so, so love the pink and mauve pair given to me by Timmy, but just like the new pair from Rina, hindi kaya ng powers ko to wear it for hours. When i wear it to church, there is always a pair of flats in the car, just in case, and i have to be sure we will be seated, so i urge my husband to go to church earlier than usual.

I find strappy shoes smart since i was in college. at syvel's, where stylesetters go in the '70s, the most stylish shoes are always the strappy ones. I realize i haven't given up on the 70's style, judging from the number of strappy sandals i bought and wore when i was still employed. A few months ago, i found a pair of strappy black shoes at SM with heels i can strut about. So i bought it. I wore it in a procession for St. Anthony on June 11 this year, walking for more than two hours around my barangay and surprisingly, despite the two and a half inch heels, i arrived home safely that night, with neither a bruised heel nor a broken bone.

For a time, i was into reds. I found a red beribboned slip on at Otto about two years ago. I had a thousand pesos in my wallet alloted for some grocery items. I went home with a box containing the said pair and no grocery item on hand. I was so ashamed of myself then. There is this old pair of red flats that i used to wear with denims and white shirt. It is so old but i can't get rid of it cause it's so comfy.

Lately, i've been wearing flats since they are really very cool and comfy. Tim has given me several pairs of flat slip-ons. in her last visit to Singapore, she bought me 3 pairs- a charles & keith, a vincci and an ipanema.

Through the years, i have given away a lot of my shoes to friends and relatives. some were borrowed but were never returned. Guess the borrower and i have the same penchant for borloloys. As i write this, i realize i have more than ten pairs of footwear. Not imeldific at all and very few by normal standards, but it got me thinking, am i committing a sin? OMG, i have only two feet!

By the way, i need to add a black pump, another black patent and a pair of sling backs. no gladiators for me. I'm no roman goddess.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

i'm 56

There are people who do not give so much attention to their birthdays. To them, it is just one of those days. Some even forget their own. In such cases, they can't be expected to remember other people's birthdays.

Since i was a little girl, i look forward to september 4 each year. I did not grow up with lavish celebrations, in fact, there was hardly any celebration at all. But still i gave so much significance to this day. As i get older, i consider it not only a day to celebrate but to reflect. Now that i am a lot older, i am beginning to ask God why he created me and what is it that i still have to do on earth. This is nothing dramatic. I just want His assurance that i am here for a reason. More specifically, i ask God, is this all You want of me?

In my teens, i used to dream about becoming so many things. I set my eyes on different preoccupations. I dreamt of going places, literally and otherwise. However, those dreams remained just that. I realized that my world was not as big as i envisioned it then. It was so small, oftentimes i feel so suffocated. I had to search for things to do to widen my perspective and view of the world i am in. Sometimes, it brings tears to my eyes as i realize that i am running out of time there's a great chance i will never see what's beyond the life i'm living.

However, i recognize the fact that what i am now and where i stand is largely because of the choices i made. Like in that pepsi commercial, i believe that i am a product of those choices. I am not complaining about what i am not or what i don't have. The choice was mine. I have to live with it. On hindsight, I may not have gone a lot farther because there was no "someone" who thought that i could. I was not at all courageous and it was aggravated by the fact that no one persuaded me to be so.

I often hear people say they wanted to make a difference. I do, too. And i have certain ideas on how i could do it, i mean, making a good difference. But as i've said, my choices are very limited. I find consolation in what somebody said, thus, " A person is no greater than his dreams, ideals, hopes and plans. A person dreams the dream and dreams of fulfilling it. It's the dream that makes the person." Perhaps, this is my license to go on dreaming. For i still dream of becoming the best that i can be.

On this my 56th birthday, i am happy, even if i find myself short of what i should have been. I have a dream and for now, that may be enough.

Happy birthday to me!