Tuesday, September 1, 2009

i'm 56

There are people who do not give so much attention to their birthdays. To them, it is just one of those days. Some even forget their own. In such cases, they can't be expected to remember other people's birthdays.

Since i was a little girl, i look forward to september 4 each year. I did not grow up with lavish celebrations, in fact, there was hardly any celebration at all. But still i gave so much significance to this day. As i get older, i consider it not only a day to celebrate but to reflect. Now that i am a lot older, i am beginning to ask God why he created me and what is it that i still have to do on earth. This is nothing dramatic. I just want His assurance that i am here for a reason. More specifically, i ask God, is this all You want of me?

In my teens, i used to dream about becoming so many things. I set my eyes on different preoccupations. I dreamt of going places, literally and otherwise. However, those dreams remained just that. I realized that my world was not as big as i envisioned it then. It was so small, oftentimes i feel so suffocated. I had to search for things to do to widen my perspective and view of the world i am in. Sometimes, it brings tears to my eyes as i realize that i am running out of time there's a great chance i will never see what's beyond the life i'm living.

However, i recognize the fact that what i am now and where i stand is largely because of the choices i made. Like in that pepsi commercial, i believe that i am a product of those choices. I am not complaining about what i am not or what i don't have. The choice was mine. I have to live with it. On hindsight, I may not have gone a lot farther because there was no "someone" who thought that i could. I was not at all courageous and it was aggravated by the fact that no one persuaded me to be so.

I often hear people say they wanted to make a difference. I do, too. And i have certain ideas on how i could do it, i mean, making a good difference. But as i've said, my choices are very limited. I find consolation in what somebody said, thus, " A person is no greater than his dreams, ideals, hopes and plans. A person dreams the dream and dreams of fulfilling it. It's the dream that makes the person." Perhaps, this is my license to go on dreaming. For i still dream of becoming the best that i can be.

On this my 56th birthday, i am happy, even if i find myself short of what i should have been. I have a dream and for now, that may be enough.

Happy birthday to me!

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