Tuesday, June 2, 2009


in my mid-40's, i developed hypertension. that's because i have no sister.

let me explain that first. i actually have two sisters. connie, the youngest from my parents' union, died of leukemia in 1967. she was then 10 years old and i was 14. how i survived that without a mother by my side is an incredible story. my second sister is anna carmeli, from my father's marriage with my stepmother. i am 20 years older than her. carmeli is such a lovely, kind and charming sister. but my fate did not permit us to spend as much time as we'd like to while she was growing up. it was not our fault that we did not grow up together, but being a descendant of my father is enough for me to love her. in fact, we may not always see each other but we hold each other dear in our hearts, just like with Dong and my two other brothers Jojo and Jim.

what i meant with my opening statement was that in my journey from adolescence to adulthood, there was no other significant female to whom i can share all my life's pains and sorrows, triumphs and joys. i have a lot of friends and i also hold them dear, but i cannot get myself to unburden before them. i feel that all my baggages should not be their concerns. hence, in the darkest days and loneliest moments of my life, i chose to be alone. now, it's taking a toll in my health.

i am not envious, but i admire women who have that particular someone, another female, to whom they can turn to when they need someone to lean on. i have a very good friend and kumare who actually is at my beck and call. however, knowing she has insurmountable problems of her own prevents me from opening up to her ALL that i need to pour out. i'd rather that she lean on me than I on her.

my need for a sister is not only because i want a shock absorber. i like cooking, eating, malling and travelling and just chilling out especially on a rainy day. it would be doubly fun to do those things if a sister is around. i would like to feel how it is to borrow clothes, shoes, jewelries, etc. from a sister. i would like to experience how it is to quarrel and make-up later with her.

i really miss having a sister beside me, but God, in His infinite goodness, gifted me with a daughter with whom i can do what sisters usually do.

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